A Broken Man
by 123hithatsme
Summary: It's the Halloween before Harry attends Hogwarts. How does Snape handle the worst night of his life? Just a One Shot that popped into my head.


_**A/N:**_ **Hi everyone, great to be back writing. This is a one shot about Snape and Dumbledore on Halloween the year before Harry goes to Hogwarts. I hope you enjoy, reviews are loved, flames will be made into Fire Whiskey.**

 **I do not own Harry Potter *pouts* but I think I didn't make up the Everlasting Charm, I can't remember reading it in the books, but don't hold me on that...**

Dumbledore hummed to himself as he sailed down the staircase towards the dungeons eating a cauldron cake. Snape had been absent from the Halloween feast. He knew tonight was always a hard night for his Potions Master, it was a cause for celebration and mourning. Harry Potter would be attending Hogwarts next year and it would just make Snape even worse. Better to talk to him before Harry attends and coax him into joining the feast before it ended.

"Severus?" Dumbledore said cheerfully as he knocked on the door to Snape's private quarters. He was met with silence and he knocked again. Still nothing. He cast a Point Me Spell and it revealed that Snape was inside.

"Severus, open up. We need to talk."

A glass smashed on the other side of the door. Dumbledore magically unlocked the door and ran in. He stopped at the sight before him. It stank of Fire Whiskey and a small table was flipped over. Glass was shattered on the carpet and glistened menacingly. A mirror was cracked as if something was thrown at it. The only thing that didn't seem to be damaged was a dark Slytherin green flower vase full of white lilies that seemed to be floating in mid-air. Dumbledore inspected the vase and noticed the protective bubble around it. A distant thud came from the corner and the Headmaster spun around on the spot with his wand drawn. Snape was slumped in a corner against the wall with an empty bottle in a slackened grip. The man himself was disorientated and mumbling to himself as he hiccupped and rolled his head to the side.

"Oh, Severus. What have you done?" Dumbledore said gently as he knelt down in front of Snape. The younger man's skin was cold and clammy yet he had sweat beading on his forehead. His breath reeked of alcohol and Snape grunted.

"What does it bloody look like, Albus?" Snape slurred as he batted Dumbledore away.

"My boy, I know this night is extremely hard for you, but you must pull yourself together."

"And what if I don't want to?" Snape stumbled to his feet and slapped Dumbledore's hand away when he offered it.

"Then you are broken beyond repair if you don't want to piece yourself together," Dumbledore sighed sadly as he stepped back.

"You would be too if you lived the life I had," Snape snarled and swayed forward before catching himself on the wall. He looked at the empty bottle in his hand and frowned before he made his way back to the bar. "I'm like a mirror, Albus. A dirty broken mirror."

"Alas, a broken mirror can still be pieced together, my boy," Dumbledore tried to reason as he followed the young professor.

"And yet the cracks are still visible, and yet the mirror is more fragile and yet the cracks make the mirror ugly!" Snape hissed as he waved his hand at his smashed mirror before he grabbed another bottle of Fire Whiskey.

Dumbledore flicked his wand at the mirror and watched in fascination as the shards of glass glued to each other and slid back into its frame before mounting back onto the wall. It looked brand new.

"Magic does not fix everything, Albus," Snape said as he used his teeth to uncork the bottle and spat it out to the side before taking a swig of the alcohol.

"Severus, you've had enough," Albus said sternly as he tried to take the bottle away. Snape shoved the Headmaster who tripped over a knocked table and landed heavily on his old back.

"I am not your enemy!" Albus exclaimed as he picked himself up rather gracefully for a man of his age. "What would Lily think if she saw you like this?"

Snape saw red at the mention of Lily. He threw the empty bottle at Dumbledore in rage. The older wizard just had time to duck before the bottle exploded on impact on the back wall. "SHE'S NOT HERE! SHE'S DEAD BECAUSE OF ME! HOW DARE YOU MENTION HER…AND TONIGHT! OUT OF THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE DAYS OF THE YEAR YOU PICK TONIGHT!"

Dumbledore watched in shock as Snape chugged down the whiskey. He threw a spell at the bottle and it shattered in Snape's hand; cutting his fingers as the shards of glass slipped over his skin. Snape stared at his hand blankly before Dumbledore threw another spell at him to throw him back in his armchair and stuck him there. Snape was furious and struggled to get out of the chair. Another flick and the cuts and blood on his hand disappeared.

"Why do you do this to yourself, Severus?" Dumbledore asked sadly as he stood over the man.

"Because no one else can punish me more than myself, no-one can make me suffer than I already do. Throw all the Cruciatus Curses or break as many bones in my body as you like, it won't make a difference. I don't need anyone's sympathy, I don't need anyone's care and I certainly don't need you! And nobody certainly needs me."

"One boy will need you," Dumbledore tried to reason. "Harry Potter starts Hogwarts next year. You and I both know that Voldemort isn't gone, Severus."

"I don't need to see the spawn of Potter strutting around the halls and disobeying every rule. He has Potter's blood in him!"

"He also has Lily's," Dumbledore snapped. "And what's more, he has her eyes."

Snape felt his heart clench in his chest at those words. Lily's gorgeous eyes would be staring back at him once more. Will they shine with laughter, joy and kindness like they did when they were children? Or will he see hurt and betrayal?

"Pull yourself together, Severus. If not for Harry, then for yourself. I cannot have you as a teacher at this school drunk and pose a threat to yourself, staff or students. If you pull another bottle of Fire Whiskey out of that cabinet tonight, then I will have to dismiss you from your duties and ask you to leave Hogwarts for good," Dumbledore said sternly.

Snape chewed the inside of his cheek. Hogwarts was his home and his sanctuary away from the world. No-one would employ a former Death Eater. Despite his Potions Mastery being the highest in over a century no one would hire him if Albus Dumbledore had fired him. If he wasn't good for the most powerful wizard of their time, then who else would want him?

Dumbledore saw the battle in Snape's mind and then smiled in relief as Snape's body relaxed and he dropped his head in submission. He had a few more venomous words to throw before he saw Snape's shoulders shake. He reversed his sticking charm and Snape buried his face in his hands as he openly sobbed.

"Oh, Severus. I can't imagine the pain you are going through. Ariana's death still haunts me every waking moment. I grieve for her just as much as you do for Lily. But you are a strong man, so pull yourself together and join us at the feast."

Snape dried his eyes. "Pitiful, absolutely pitiful to cry like that," he scolded himself. "And you call me a strong man!"

"A man who bottles up his emotions out of fear of being human is not strong, he's submitting himself to others expectations and judgment," Dumbledore smiled and placed a comforting hand on Snape's shoulder. "But a man who is not afraid to show emotion in front of someone to show his _is_ human shows that he is stronger than flesh and blood. Do not be ashamed, Severus, be _proud_. Because I am very proud of you."

"Don't get all mushy on me, Albus," Snape smirked as he stood from his seat. He pulled out his wand and repaired everything that was smashed and tipped over before Albus intruded on him and his grief. His room was back to normal minus the lack of Fire Whiskey. He got a Sobering Potion and downed it to dilute the alcohol from his body and to clear his mind. It would be no good entering the Great Hall and stumbling around. He would be the laughing stock of the school. He removed the protective bubble around the vase and let in settle back on the small side table.

"Let's go to the feast, but first," Dumbledore smiled as he approached the vase and plucked a lily. Snape was about to attack the Merlin Doppelgänger but then saw Dumbledore wave his wand over the flower and shrunk it to the palm of his hand and then tapped it three times. Light green sparkles shone over the petals and Dumbledore passed the flower to Snape.

"It's an everlasting charm," Dumbledore explained. "That one lily will not spoil, be crushed, be torn or burned. It is now in it's eternal state. Carry it in your robe so that you will always have it with you, always have Lily close to your heart without anyone knowing. Keep it as a reminder as to where your heart belongs and what you are fighting for."

Dumbledore lead Snape out of the door and up to the feast, Snape tucked the lily into his inner breast pocket and felt the warm and beauty of the flower against his chest. Finally his heart and his Lily, together, forever.


End file.
